OMG! I have been in such a bad mood! I am frustrated and tired. I think part is hormones, but part is just frustration with my weight loss, or lack of weight loss. I have to not try and compare myself to others, but over the past couple of days, it has really effected me. I didn’t know why, until I saw that December 1st is when I had set to reach my “goal weight” over a year ago.
It was a goal that I kept to myself. I jotted it down in my Moleskine Daily Planner. I saw it on Friday and was bummed out. I still haven’t recovered. At weigh-in, I saw a .8lb gain. I expected a gain and was happy that it was only .8, but it didn’t help me get out of the funk I’ve been rolling around in for days.
I didn’t run or walk the Seattle Marathon today. I actually broke down and started crying when I saw the marathon coverage on the news this morning. My friend, who was going to do it with me, decided not to a couple of months ago. I was going to walk it and wanted her to walk the 1/2 marathon with me, but she didn’t want to, saying that it would be a step back for her. I totally understood where she was coming from, but then I lost the ambition to do anything physical. Maybe I’m burned out or need to do something different? I love the feeling after exercise, but it’s the doing the activity or getting the time, has become the problem.
I came to the realization (Aaah! Haaa! moment) as to why I haven’t been working out like I used to. My husband (God bless him), made a comment several months ago that I was being “selfish” by wanting to go to the gym to work out and not spending time at home with him and our daughter. I was taken aback. It shocked me because he never mentioned it before.
He had always been supportive, but as I’ve gotten smaller, lost more weight, the negative comments have increased; with the crap food coming into the house more and more. Add that, with the crap weather, and I feel like crap. He also recently stated that he didn’t know why I continue to pay the $40 a month for Weight Watchers, when I’m not losing weight.
I told him it was my money and right now, it is the only support system I have. I cannot give that up! Having a support system (in whatever form) is one of the type reasons that people succeed in weight loss and keep the weight off. I’m not sure what the hell his problem is, but I cannot continue making it my problem. This is my journey. Hell, it may be “selfish” but he will just have to deal!!
That felt good to get off my chest!